WASH THOSE JEANS!

One of the dumbest pieces of advice we’ve ever seen recently came from Levi’s CEO, who suggested that people should never wash their jeans. This was less in response to the resulting shrinkage problem, and more to do with conserving resources, i.e. water. Not to be outdone, the Vice-President of the company suggested freezing them to get rid of bacteria (not that that would even work according to scientists). Yes, people like this run big companies these days. 

If you’re not a water conservation fanatic, but are concerned about shrinkage here are some ways around it. If you don’t wash and rewash cheap jeans like Levis they will remain as stiff as a board. Shrinkage only happens if you wash them in hot water and then use a hot dryer to dry them. If that is your practice then just buy them a size larger to compensate. Just sponging off blemishes, as they suggest, will do nothing about accumulate bacteria or odors. 

It is easy to avoid shrinkage and clean your jeans by using cold water. Ideally hand-washing in cold water with something like Woolite will work, as it does with more delicate fabrics. Then let them dry flat or drip dry. If you must use machinery do the wash in cold water, and run the dryer on the coolest setting, even if it takes a few passes. 

What these executives fail to realize is that many people wash their jeans less for dirt than to soften them up and have some wear, but that takes a lot of cycles. The alternative is to buy a more expensive pair of jeans. Generally the higher the price, the softer the fabric and the more worn they feel. But this only makes sense for dress jeans of the kind you’d wear on an evening out or on a business casual occasion. If you’re working in construction, repairing cars, farming, or do any other kind of dirty work then you wear jeans like Levis. Given such use they are far more likely to get dirty and therefore need to be washed, which makes the advice cited above all the more silly. 

Better fabrics cost more, and all you need to do is feel how soft a pair of high-end jeans are compared to lower-priced brands. With jeans it is mostly a case of getting what you pay for, but no designer label is worth anything if the fabric doesn’t feel any different than cheaper jeans. The very best are made in Italy, as with so much other clothing. However, even with these you have to be careful because some big design firms have multiple lines, often attached to the word “jeans.” But this is the cheaper stuff and inferior to the jeans they sell under their “collection,” “coutoure,” or other prime label, which often have a limited run. This is not a problem with the overall best in this category, Brioni, which only makes fine products. But with such costly jeans you have to treat them more like a good pair of pants, and avoid doing things in them you would never do in your dress pants. Dress jeans should also be tailored like any other pair of good pants, so that they end at your shoes rather than bunching up at the bottom. 

FAKE GOODS

Until now we’ve avoided mentioning two French brands that belong with the best because their prices are preposterous for ordinary humans, namely Hermes and Louis Vuitton. That is not to say that  their goods are not exquisite, if they are real. If an item with one of these brands is not exceptionally fine, it is likely a fake. Generally the higher the price of genuine goods the more likely they are to be knocked-off. On the plus side this is less of a problem for men than it is for women. The reason for that is, according to law enforcement, the most frequently copied goods are as follows: handbags, wallets, jewelry, watches, sports jerseys, and footwear. Unless you carry a pocketbook you are less likely to be stung than a woman will be, but then some don’t care. Louis Vuitton is most frequently knocked off, to the point where there are more fake goods in circulation than the real thing. You can be reasonably certain that women you see on the subway carrying Louis Vuitton are traveling with knock-offs. It also follows that if fakes are so ubiquitous the value of the real thing must be diminished as well. Hermes, while very expensive, is much more likely to be real.

As this is being written there is a listing on Ebay for impossibly inexpensive “Hermes” as well as “Louis Vuitton” jeans. They happen to be from the same seller, and in fact on closer inspection they are the same exact jeans except for the label, which makes it obvious they are fake. If the price of something is too good to be true you should reasonably assume it it isn’t true. You’re either getting counterfeit goods, or a product from the designer’s crummy mass market line, usually made in China. Many top (but not the very top) designers have multiple lines. Thus the good stuff from Giorgio Armani is in the Armani Collezioni, or in the case of Calvin Klein, the Calvin Klein collection, with the rest of his lines being less than high quality. It is noteworthy that both high-end collections are made in Italy. A leather item in the “collection” will likely be glove soft, while the ‘jeans” or whatever “other” line they sell will be hard and coarse. 

Other top brands, such as Gucci, Kiton, Brioni, etc.  take pride in their products and don’t produce mass market lines. Gucci is the most likely to be knocked off, but again quality, along with a too-good-to-be-true price is your surest guide to authenticity. In the case of Brioni there is a line of relatively inexpensive suits being sold by one “Bianco Brioni.” That may be his real name, but it has nothing to do with the authentic high-end Brioni brand,  according to Brioni. It is easy to see why. “Brioni” is not the name of a person but an island in the Adriatic that was used when the exclusive brand was founded. 

The basic truth is that quality brand items at a low price can only be fake or used. The latter is the one instance in which you can occasionally find real bargains, i.e.  on Ebay in terms of authentic used items that haven’t really been used much. For example, a wife may have bought her husband something he doesn’t really like and wouldn’t wear, so she has to sell it at a steep discount. Or someone has an article that just doesn’t fit them and they can’t return it. I would not recommend buying anything with much more use than that unless you’re dying for it in any condition. An exception would be something like jeans, which you’re getting broken in and still look good. These kinds of “used” items are much more likely to be genuine than something “new” at an impossibly low price. That’s still no guarantee, but it  is at least the one window where you can possibly find legitimate high end stuff at a low price. 

UPSCALE CASUAL: JEANS

Due to the increased popularity of casual dress around the world, the leading brands in this instance are basically the same as those who excel in more formal dress. Thus Italian brands, design, and manufacturing continue to provide the best products in the world. For casual wear it doesn’t get any better than “made in Italy.” This is not to discount the U.S., the U.K., France, and other countries, but their high-end output has far less impact than that of Italy. However, as we’ll see, some of these venerable Italian brands have also gone downmarket, and here we want to distinguish the best from the rest. 

It makes sense to start with jeans, given their ubiquitous presence. The main difference between an expensive pair of jeans and a cheaper variety, is, or should be the relative softness and pliability of the fabric even when new. That is basically what you are paying for, since it would otherwise take an endless cycle of washing to make an ordinary pair of jeans somewhat softer. If you find a pair of expensive jeans that are stiff, they are either a overpriced or fake. It is not primarily the designer label, but rather the quality of the fabric that makes a great pair of jeans. We are here referring to “dress jeans” that you would wear on social occasions. For dirty work and every day tasks a traditional pair of Levis or comparable brands will do. Given what the dressy kind can cost, you don’t want to expose them to being soiled. 

Dress jeans must be fitted properly to be most flattering. They can almost be thought of as a pair of slacks in this respect, and should be tailored appropriately. There is little point in paying for and wearing a pair of jeans that don’t fit well. That means they should not be hanging off your butt, but instead should fit comfortably around the waist. They should not be bunched up on the bottom, but end neatly, either with a slight break, or no break, just at the edge of the shoe. If you’re going to spring for a pair of good dress jeans you should definitely spend a little more to get them shortened properly. They should also fit snugly, but not tightly, around the butt, and the drop should be sufficient enough to avoid having your private parts showing. Too tight is as bad as too loose. If your jeans are fitted as indicated you should have a very nice profile as a result. Finally, above everything else, the jeans should be comfortable. That means you shouldn’t buy something because of brand alone or because it looks nice on a rack. They have to fit well or you will wind up looking uncomfortable, which undermines the whole point here.

As far as care goes, there shouldn’t be a lot. They can be washed like ordinary jeans, preferably in cold water, and dried on a low setting. They will come out just as good as when new, but you shouldn’t wash them excessively unless there is a reason to. Don’t dry clean them just because they are a quality item. You’ll only get the chemicals and wear without any need for them. 

The very best dress jeans are made in Italy by Brioni, (and the lesser known Kiton) but they are pricey to the point where they can cost up to twenty times what an ordinary pair of jeans cost. For this you get exquisite fabric and immaculate tailoring. Less costly, but still good are jeans from the likes of Ermenegildo Zegna, Versace, or Armani. However, with the last two you have to be careful because of the multiple lines these companies now sell. Gianni Versace is unfortunately dead, so you want to look for his designs, which now are usually labeled classic. Armani is more complicated, because he produces so many different lines apart from Armani Jeans. Along with those there is a line called Armani Exchange, which is mainly for teenagers, and definitely downmarket. On the other hand if they are Armani Collezioni they’re good. The best way to approach these is to look at the fabric for softness and pliability and fine tailoring for an elegant finish. If those qualities are lacking you definitely should not buy, no matter what the label. In the end you want to identify fabric that is fine and soft to the touch for the best quality.